TEOTWAWKI for Cats?
Teotwawaki (or ‘the end of the world as we know it’) is rather an oxymoron for my felines since it implies I’m not providing them the perks on demand they are used to – Food-now! Yummys-now! Milk-now! Inside-now! Outside-now! Inside-now! Outside-now! –would undoubtedly still be demanded post-apocalypse.
Are we in a new era of transition, or is the same fear imbedded in all of us just phasing to the surface again? Whether you believe it will happen in your lifetime or not at all, all of us, including your cat, should be prepared for the coming apocalypse. Whether it is as simple as a power outage or as intense as an Electromagnetic Pulse, you need to be prepared. So here we are, looking for ways to keep us all safe in an unforeseen situation. I am here to help you focus on one family member in particular, your cat.
Cats are self-sufficient animals and, when left to their own devices, are naturally prepared. They are skilled hunters. I’ve heard that cockroaches and rats will rule the earth someday, but that just gives the Cat something to eat. Our pet cats have become masters at training their people. They can mimic a human baby so well that the human comes running as if the cat needs their B.F.F. Best Feline Friend Tuna & Chicken 4EVA recipe aus jus; they’re nobody’s fool.
Remember the “Snowpocalypse” of last February? Our crafty felines huddled inside the day before it hit, in our beds, staying nice and warm, far away from the outside chill, pretending to keep us warm. They knew it was coming! But no, we humans didn’t even have sense enough to keep our pipes from freezing. If you’re one of those cat loving folks that needs a list of special kitty things to have on hand when “it” hits, here are few things you can do:
Avalanche or Flood: The Kitty Hovding (look this up, www.hovding.com. It’s worth it!) – Airbag inflates instantly for flotation and will keep your kitty’s head above water or snow until you can reach it.
Pandemic: Modified no-bark spritzer collar (obviously for dogs, but this is a special situation), attuned to activate at a human sneeze, filled with garlic, citronella, and colloidal silver.
“Haboob” or Dust Storm: Goggles are a must for eye protection. You may also consider trimming their nails prior to the storm: If you aren’t near, don’t trim them so they can get a good purchase and not blow away. If you are near, trimming is recommended since you are what they will attach to. If the latter, goggles for you are also recommended.
Alien Invasion / Martial Law: Build a special underground shelter in your underground shelter so your kitty has a safe hiding place until the smoke clears. Be sure to install an in/out door so your kitty can go in and out and in and out and in and out and in and out...
EMP: In this case, the micro-GPS unit you embedded under your cat’s skin will not function, so make sure to get a neon kitty vest with reflectors to help locate your kitty from far away. If you have a Geiger counter handy, radioactive reflectors will also help with short distance locating.
Zombie Attack: Get your cat the mini Boom Stick to blast away the undead kitties trying to eat your kitty’s brain.
Nukes: See shelter within a shelter above but add a lead liner. No need for food; cats aren’t squeamish about cockroaches and we know they can survive anything.
Global Warming / Ice Age: Stock up on healthy, intact mice. They will reproduce at a sufficient rate to keep your cat well fed during long freezes or dry hot spells. Your dehydrated food scraps will keep the mice well fed.
All kidding aside, when or if “The End of the World As We Know It” occurs we can rest assured that our kitties will probably fair a lot better than we will.
FYI: You can find B.F.F. Best Feline Friend Tuna & Chicken 4EVA recipe for cats at Better Life Pet Foods which has a very long shelf life for your apocalyptic preparations.
Article by Kat Lacy of Better Life Pet Foods in Las Cruces.